Ende

Du sagtest, ich sei selbst daran schuld.
Selbst daran schuld, dass du so mit mir umgehst.
Dass du mich nicht wertschätzt.

Du hast recht.

downfall

and after a while
you became my enemy.
and it’s hard to tell why.
I just couldn’t shake off that feeling.
that deep, strong, intuitional feeling that told me
you wouldn’t treat me the way I deserved.
I felt hurt.
and although you are the best at turning things around
at some point you just couldn’t anymore.
because I knew for sure you mistreated me.
because I knew all I did was waiting for you.
you wouldn’t treat me the way I hoped.
and I felt like you stopped trying.
and I felt like you stopped caring.
I will not fight against your demons.
I will not fight against alcohol.
how often did you ask me to drink with you,
to swallow pills with you.
you can never stop.
it’s a battle I can only lose.
how come
as the strongest man I know,
you are not stronger than that?

xj

Whoami

 

“Maybe you were right maybe I was wrong.
Maybe you were everything I needed and more.
Who am I to think that you’re not enough.
Who am I to break your heart and give up.

Whoami, whoami. x2

I wish I could make my system clear.
I wish the best and only of it an expression of the love that disappeared.
I still got demons don’t you know.
Oh I promised you the world and all I ever gave you was a lack of hope.

I’m sorry I wasn’t sane for your loving.
I’m sorry I wasn’t sane.

I’m sorry for all of the pain in your loving.
Sorry for all of the pain.

It was never my intention to break what we had.
Never my intention to break.

I’m sorry I left you in vein.

Whoami, whoami. x2″
-Prince of Eden

xxj

[thosearenotmywords]
[volumeup]
[lyricsonworldoff]

Vor dem Rückwärts

Moving forward – Kyle Lionhart

 

“Love is just a better word than
Darling let me take your burden
Though I’ve got mine

[…]

And I want to feel like we’re moving forward
I don’t want to feel nervous
But I know we ain’t perfect

[…]

Cause I’m moving forward
Just to know what’s back
No reasons came
For what I don’t have
Cause I’m moving forward
Just to know what’s back…”
– Kyle Lionhart

Some Truth

there’s all the love. more than we could ever ask for.
but it won’t change the mess we’re in.

 

xxj

Out of your hands

You said you want to hold onto me
and turned the other way.

before you catch me, I‘ve already fallen a million times.

xxj
[disconnected.]

Below the surface

under the skin

 

she ceased putting words together to frame him, because his expansive fire doesn‘t reach her sandfilled heart no more. Not even a spark of inspiration although coated in bright worry and sorrow strokes her now. She got used to all the pinching, pushing – but not to the flames. Still, agile like water, she fluidly reshapes and reforms, creates space for the sharp edges before she bursts into drops and crashes away in waves. She sickers past roots and metals into the deep earth, where nothing can enlighten her soul, but the moon.

xxj
[maybe the wood is all that connects us. the anger we hold for one another. firmly grounded in our hearts.]

 

Small talk

Beengt
von all deinen Gefühlen,
und von dieser Abenddämmerung,
die sich in Zyklen wiederholt
– immer häufiger.
Worte haben noch nie etwas gebracht
und egal wie oft man das gleiche spricht,
es kommt nicht besser an.
Auch Lügen kann man sich schönreden,
wenn man stur genug ist.
Der Weg weiter ist manchmal der Weg raus,
oder querfeld hinab.
Ich weiss nicht, was so unklar ist in meinem Kopf,
denn in aller Deutlichkeit ist es nicht so schwierig.
Sich niederlegen in Gemütlichkeit,
schwimmen mit der Strömung.
Ich versteh das.
In der Süsse übersieht man,
wie sauer es macht.
Trotzdem wollen Regeln immer gebrochen werden,
Du weisst das am besten von allen.
Die Kunst liegt darin,
zu wiederstehn.
Eiskalt oder lodernd heiss,
das sind beides keine guten Möglichkeiten.
Und ich bin das Ringen satt.

Mein Gegner ist der,
von dem gemunkelt wird,
dass er gar nicht da ist.

xxj
[schwankelmütig.]

 

Sunflower

I‘ve been thinking about self love.
I think self love is also: saying no.
saying no in general.
and also saying no to others.
xxj