Sunflower

I‘ve been thinking about self love.
I think self love is also: saying no.
saying no in general.
and also saying no to others.
xxj

Blank

how do you put nothingness
into words
if not with silence?

xxj
[still.]

kisses til fade out.

Victor Marc – Change
& Tash Sultana – Harvest Love

gentle orange light
shimmering and floating through the room.
lightly
touching your skin.
quiet shadows dancing smoothly on your face.
those subtle movements
only clear eyes can discern
flickering and reaching
to everything that’s close
or nowhere to be seen.
exhaling warm air
into a hot room
as the mind wanders to distant places
where you can ease
and rest.
pause.
although the black sky is covered
we watch the galaxies
spinning in slow motion
stars blossoming
and collapsing to dust.
coming closer
arms tightening
glowing brighter
from the inside
hearts loosen up
faces leaning in
embracing the night
until sleep seeps
into our heads
and tenderness
into our bones.

xxj

Gewinner

Die Lügen die du dir selber erzählst,
wir kennen sie alle längst.

xxj

 

[welcome to hell, darling.]

Forget

Negativity is a point of view.
You see me, as you want to.
You read my words, as it pleases you.
But if that’s what you read from my lips,
what you hear my voice whisper in your head,
then you have never understood me.
Not the slightest bit.

Negativity might not be the opposite of positivity.
Nostalgia is what you taught me.
Pause when you take this as an insult,
find the silent dreams, which lie between every line,
find the dearest pleas, which swing with every full stop,
and find hope
with every letter that stands black on white.
Now go find out what you can discover from
what you just harvested with your eyes.
Use your mind

but only kindly.

xxj

Ridge

Some paths might lead nowhere,
but the views are too stunning
to be left unseen.

xxj

Old love

Intertwined.

Two familiar souls
who know each other,
who detect the brief shallowness of the eyes, when they feel insecure,
who recognize the subtle lightness of the breath, when they feel true hope,
or how their voice trembles barely noticeably, when gentle sorrow washes over them,
who know all the soft parts and all the stone hard walls that make them who they are,
who know the rhythm of each others heartbeats by heart,
the rhythm of each others lust;

who have known each other in different lifetimes,
always hoping they would meet again,
match someday
with the circumstances,
with everything that is around,
that surrounds them,
overpowers them,
with time.

There is always only so much one can know about the other.
Only so much one can love about the other.
But I feel you darling,
my bones and my body
yearn for you,
my mind
craves you.
My heart,
it indulges in you.
No matter what happens to us,
our souls will always
one day or the other,
one life or another,
find the way back
to their second home.

xxj

Dependence

Not knowing what you want.
Unsure about yourself
and doubting your decisions.
Falling back in time.
Caught up in what you left behind.
Rewinding revisions.
Stuck inside your mind.
But somehow ready to move on
through the cold night.
Guessing which thoughts you need to finish,
or to finally let go.
Come on,
set your soul free.
But you’re too sad about people’s sadnesses.
Jealous of what you don’t have,
of what others have
that you’d deserve,
technically.
And possibly wished for,
for long enough,
although you’re uncertain of what you want
even so.
This imagery
of what has never been yours,
because it’s not really
reality.
Not in this life,
maybe in the next,
or the one after that.
Still tired of waiting.
Tired of disappointments
and bad feelings
and useless discussions.
Digging for those positive notions.
Those opportunities which lie underneath the ocean,
or underneath skyscrapers.
How good am I alone?
I made myself feel so good alone.
So whole.
Well-balanced,
because I didn’t depend on someone else
to make me feel complete.
And I didn’t have to want something,
or make sense of what I wanted.
I didn’t have to wait.
I know I can rely on myself.
I am my best player.
My wildest lover.
I will always hold my ground,
and only hurt myself
when it makes sense.

Dependence
in all its meanings;
it stands for both,
slavery and faith.

xxj

Air

Open to be free.
No attachments,
only endless skies.

xxj

Sanftmut

Daniel Docherty – The Weather
& Elderbrook – Talking

Gebrochenes Morgenlicht
und milde Herbstluft
dringen verschlafen durch den Fensterspalt
bis hinein in den stillen Raum.
Staubpartikel schweben schwerelos,
das Glück stört man nicht,
wenn es sich behutsam zwischen den Zeilen niedergelegt hat.
Die Wärme unter der Bettdecke
stammt von zweien,
zwei weiche Körper,
versöhnlich aneinander geschmiegt,
zusammengefaltet,
Finger miteinander verschränkt,
Seelen eng ineinander verwoben,
lückenhafte Gedanken fest verknotet
zu einer tiefen Ruhe.

Irgendwie bin ich müde vom Kampf.
Er suchte sie wieder mit diesem Blick,
den sie so lange vermisst hat
und von dem ich
 nicht weiss, ob ich ihn mal gekannt habe,
oder ob er neu ist,
weil er und sie nicht mehr die alten sind.
Wenn Vertrauen wächst
und schwere Türen offen stehen,
dann zeigen diese Augen

stürmische Meerestiefen,
die Wehmut,
die er nun immer bei sich trägt.

Funken.
Gestern Nacht hat er ihr vertraut.
Es fühlte sich nicht mehr so erdrückend gleich an wie früher.
Aber irgendwie schon.
Gerade heute.
Bitte nie mehr.
Sonst muss sie rennen
bis ihre Lungen fast platzen
und ihre Füsse auf dem Asphalt aufschlagen,
sodass die Nacht erwacht.
Sie könnte mit den Schatten verschmelzen,
verlorengehen
in den Möglichkeiten dieser Welt.

Sie sehen sich
an diesem Tagesanbruch,
lesen sich,
Köpfe auf den Kissen,
einander zugewandt,
innerlich bereits aufgebrochen.
Im Traum hörte er ihre lauten Schritte,
hat sich verzweifelt in die Dunkelheit gestürzt.
Eingehüllt in Ungewissheit,
sie umarmt sie beide doppelt
und ich wünschte mir,
das hier wäre genug,
oder einfach.
Und dass sich der Knoten löst,
ein unbekanntes Muster entsteht,
wo Schranken kein Hindernis mehr darstellen,
sich die Worte in Briefen zu Taten entfalten,
nur Luft und Liebe,
immer noch beieinander.

Sie könnten verschmelzen,
verlorengehen
in den Möglichkeiten dieser Welt.

xxj
[Sturmtief.]