making apologies

The Chainsmokers – Roses (ft. Rozes)
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This is an issue which means a lot to me. It is something I recently discovered to be an issue everyone should be aware of – I discovered it to be a topic which changed my way of talking and communicating and dealing with myself and others. I am going to talk about something which can make you feel better.

This is a post about honesty. This is a post about making apologies.

I still remember an argument I had with my mother years and years ago, as if it was yesterday. I was very young at that time. Still a kid. And we were screaming at each other. It was a weekday evening and I went to bed angrily. It doesn’t matter anymore what the argument was about. But it matters that after a while when I was just about to fall asleep, my mother opened the door – and apologized for the quarrel. At that point it became very clear to me that I also had never wanted to argue. We ended up crying and apologizing – and we went to sleep with a much better feeling than before.

This experience has taught me that saying sorry is never something bad. It is something which demands sincerity, a little bit of bravery and greatness.

It took me years to understand this. I have always been a very stubborn person, sure to stand for my opinions and things I said. It ended up causing me too many arguments and a lot of anger and sadness. Today, with 21 years I have come to a point where I generally hate arguing. I don’t think its worth my time or my energy – all of this negativity. But I also know it is not avoidable.

My understanding for the meaning of apologizing came after very intense arguments with my boyfriend when we screamed at each others faces or ended up walking away from each other. So often, just a few hours after the argument I would feel sorry for it all, or for things I said.

I dunno where this came from. But I guess there was one point where I didn’t have any other choice than saying sorry. So I did. And it turned out to be the greatest thing ever.
Since then I started to be a lot more aware of things I could apologize for.
Even a few days after an argument, I could confront others with suddenly apologizing. I am not holding back on this anymore. I say that I didn’t want to argue, that I am sorry for this or that particular thing I said, or this or that particular thing I did. I have gotten better in doing so, that now, even if I am in the middle of a fight, I can take a step back, look at things and ask myself: “wait? Is that what I wanted? Is this argument worth it? Do I really want to go on like this?” And then I might say sorry just right in the middle of the argument. This doesn’t mean that I apologize for everything. I only say sorry for the things I know I actually feel or will feel sorry about. Sometimes it is everything, sometimes it is just a tiny little thing.

And I tell you. It is worth it. Never has someone I know reacted negatively on it. And for me, as a person who loves harmony and who can hold a grudge not only against others for ages, but also against myself, it made me feel so much better.
Even my boyfriend has been so appreciative of it, that just recently I found him doing the same thing. An argument between us and its aftermaths, which would have usually lasted for days, ended in a blink of an eye. It was so truly great.

Don’t be too proud to say sorry. It is never too late.
I have managed to build friendships again, which had been broken a long time ago.
Just by apologizing.

It is worth it in every way.
And I tell you this is not showing weakness or backing up or trying to get away with something.
It is about second chances and people’s temper, which can so easily get out of control.
It’s about knowing yourself and being reflective and about fixing relationships and not making things worse than they already are.
Try it out yourself.

xx jana

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