I wish I could see in the dark.
and I wish I would’ve learned
how to be alone without feeling lonely,
or without missing anyone.
you have no idea, who you are to me.
and who you were.
you were my gravity.
and now I’m flying.
I had no idea that flying feels this burdened,
or that, beneath the sun,
I would run out of air
and forever grieving.
and forever robbed of a dream.
and the pain has not stopped for a second.
and it has not become easier
I need to grant you a life,
where I never appear,
not even as a supporting character,
and where you won’t remember me fondly
because this is not how you see me
or how it ended.
and I need to allow myself
to crush and crumble
from understanding that there is no hope for us,
neither now nor in the future,
and from admitting
that I am still saddened to the bones
as well as utterly heartbroken over us,
and that I will never be whole again.