Broken

Jarryd James – 1000x

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you. 

– Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Weird – to find myself at this same place again.
Still it’s not the same.

I’ve been wondering about
how much sadness one can take.
And how much disappointment.

The future I have wished for myself seems impossible to reach.
Instead I need to let you go. So you can grow.
You deserve to grow.
What do I deserve?
Do I care about what I deserve, when it comes to you?
I care about loss.
And I care about my dreams that have been shattered.
I care about loneliness.
And I care about
you.

Fairness, right?
Let the one you love become the person he deserves to be.
And maybe let him be this person with someone
else.
Free him of all his promises.
Free him of all the pressure you put on him.
Free him of you.
Let him go.
Because it’s
you.

Is it selfish to ask: ‘and what about me?’
What about the things I had and will have to go through?
What about the way I’ve been feeling?
Cause I feel left out. I am losing.
You don’t owe me anything.
And still
no one can safe me
but
you.

I know you feel like you’ve lost everything.
I have lost everything too.
Because I lost
you.

How long will this sadness last this time?
I have welcomed this deep brokenness like an old friend.
10 years from now, will I still shudder when I hear your name?
Will my heart still sigh in pain
because it remembers
you?

Dear darling
It has always been you.
You stole my heart.
I know it is safe with you.
Whatever might happen.
This is out of my hands.
Nevertheless
I will keep you forever in my mind
and I will miss you
every day
because
I love
you.

I hope you’ll find what you are searching for.

 

It’s all about the decisions we make.

xx jana

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *